


Healing

by Jazztro



Category: Dr. STONE (Anime), Dr. STONE (Manga)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Gen is injuring himself noo, M/M, Mention of past, Mild Fluff, Proceed with caution, This is really sad, asagiri gen - Freeform, ishigami senkuu - Freeform, mental health, mental wellbeing, mention of cutting, protective Kohaku, save this baby, someone please give Gen a hug, stone world
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-04
Updated: 2019-12-04
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:40:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21671641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jazztro/pseuds/Jazztro
Summary: Another angst where Gen is suffering from his past and battling with his demons but doesn't try to get help so ends up hurting.Inspired by Foals - Spanish Sahara and Late Night from Life is Strange.
Relationships: Asagiri Gen/Ishigami Senkuu
Comments: 11
Kudos: 162





	Healing

**Author's Note:**

> I'm the last cowboy in this town  
>  Empty veins and my plastic broken crown  
>  They said I swam the sea that ran around   
> They said I once was lost but now I'm truly found   
> And I know the place another way,  
>  I feel, I feel no shame  
>  Oh now Mama, do you hear my fear?   
> It's coming after me  
>  I'm calling out your name,  
>  I'm calling out your name  
>  Stay with me, stay with me
> 
> Foals - Late Night.

Little steps echoed in the haze of the forest. Water gently grumbled and whispered around Gen as he was laying on grassy pillow of comfort, emotionlessly staring at the night-sky. It felt unusual for him to feel like this: empty, frustrated and distraught. It never happened to him not even when he was abandoned and thrown away. Not even when Magma tried to kill him. Not after Hyoga torturing him. Not when he knew well Senkuu or anyone in the village would accept the real him. The real disgust of a human behind sly, confident and manipulatively fun of a bastard. Young man furrowed tear shaped eyebrows whilst lightly brushing off hair strands off and sighed, feeling his lungs and heart heavy from something. Not that he ever had mental issues. It wouldn't be possible, would it be? He hated this paranoia, this constant fear he never could express because he didn't want to appear weak especially in front of kids, Chrome, Kohaku and most importantly, Senkuu. Gen needed the genius scientist like he needed mentalist. Gen took off his yukata, trembling from a breeze of chilly spring air and melancholically glanced upon glistening river, its' bumpy road jumping excitedly rushing all the magical moonlight away down the shore.

He couldn't understand why he felt sad.

Gen missed so many things from modern times. Travelling around the world, good food and comfort. The excitement from the crowds and magic performances. He wanted all back. And it probably will be back especially knowing Senkuu it will be possible. His heart tightened, feeling heavy and painful whilst stomach rumbled with hunger and butterflies, achingly clawing their way out to his throat.

''God why I like him.'' Gen softly muttered and stood up, eyes itching and burning as tears rolled down his cheek. Was this normal to feel so hopeless and scared? Scared of dying almost every day, scared of losing people he never thought he'd care about. He was so scared and yet he had to stay strong. For everyone. He'd only worry others and that wasn't part of a plan. Man tightened hands around himself, wrapping in a lonely comfort and sobbed, mucus and tears mixing up and cruelly exposing his raw feelings. Sadness bloomed in the heart, choking and suffocating Gen out of air. Head felt numb and heavy, blurring vision and filling it with flashes of his past. Like some sort of rewind film, he could see the time when he performed as a kid to other adults, laughter booming and replaced by shouting and door slamming. Dark and alone, little Gen stayed behind the stage with no comfort, no love and support. He had to become better and get more attention, thus starting to analyse which people to use like puppets and manipulate them and which to avoid at all costs. Years prior, it led to huge success and Asagiri Gen was happy. Really, really happy...but was he happy inside all alone?

Loud, raw sobs echoed and trembled late night that got masked by the upcoming sheet of sad cloudy tears.

_Leave him to be._

_So, he left him._

_It's cold and scary._

_So, he froze in paranoia and fear._

_Mummy has been bad today. I'm scared. Where's daddy?_

_''Kiddo, I'm afraid your parents will be a bit late. Will you be okay? I don't want you to wait any longer...''_

_'' Mmm...It's okay. I'm sure daddy will come.''_

Yet he ever came. Liar. Bastard never came back.

His heart roughly felt pierced and melting down as it heaved through corrupted lungs and set fire to his insides. Gen wanted to be gone. He was sick of paranoia, sick of a constant anxiety and feeling of being useless. Sick of painful spear and gut-wreck every time he saw Senkuu or others. He wasn't intelligent enough or strong like Kohaku. Not creative or capable to survive on his own. He felt nothing like a human, just a sick bastard he used to be proud of. 

They are all using you, voice hushed down inside, crawling out and exposing its' dark teeth and demonic eyes. The shadow of Gen's past reminisced in front of the man. No one wants you. Senkuu thinks you're a bother and you always will be one...that's what it told him. It curled around him and touched his shoulder, whispering devilish thoughts and sinking Gen deeper. And unfortunately, Gen agreed to him. The mentalist got up and walked back to the village, coming inside the lab and looked for any sharp object he could distract himself with. He didn't want to this, he really wanted to scream help for and held him back, but it felt too late. And he didn't want to bother anyone. Gen felt disgusted at overwhelming feelings that will lead to regret but for now...gotta do to soothe the pain down. He looked around and hollowly smiled as he spotted a sharp scalpel and swiftly grabbed it, hiding inside the long-sleeved yukata. Suddenly, Gen heard soft footsteps approaching the lab and quickly turned away and sat down laying his head down on the wooden table and pretended to sleep whilst trying to calm down from anxiety. The footsteps entered the lab followed by a heartfelt sigh of relief and familiar voice muttering.

''Ah, it’s just you, mentalist'' voice chuckled and approached closer, causing Gen flushing with a wave of anxiety and nervous tickling inside his stomach. Then, he felt subtle touch of rough fingers glossing over his forehead and top of his head which was very soothing, and he felt desperate for more.

''Strange place to choose for napping, mentalist'' Senkuu commented whilst enjoying the feeling of soft but wet white and black hair and felt blush flushing his cheeks beet red. A caring touch on his face felt concerning and careful as if wondering why his face was a bit puffy and red.

''Damn Gen, you okay...?'' concerned tone gnawed Gen's heart and he felt annoyed at Senkuu for noticing. ''I'll ask him tomorrow. Maybe I'll give him a day off the labour.'' and stopped head patting the mentalist. He lurked around for a bit more, Gen hearing him muttering and re-arranging what seemed to be beakers full of preserved chemicals. Mentalist internally was in awe of Senkuu's intelligence and ambition to re-create the modern civilization. His persistence and motivating attitude conflicted young man and made him fell in love even more. If these feelings were love, then it felt soothing but also cruel to his own self-esteem. How sometimes human mind was strange especially affected by such thing as ''love''. He almost really wished it was lust or infidelity, so he'd stop himself from caring. Because all the things he cared about got destroyed. Vanished. Taken from him like a toy from a child.

He really shouldn't have built that telescope.

Or asked for the cola.

He never asked to be revived.

Why him?

Why Senkuu liked him? He was nothing than a sly traitor and manipulative, superficial man. He was proud of such nature and now it felt terrible. He still loved playing with human psychology but now he also started caring and becoming a kinder person. And it all scared him no matter how stupid it sounded.

Gen waited till Senkuu left, making sure the sound of footsteps was gone and got up. He stretched out, still grasping the scalpel and went back to the river. Enjoying the sounds of splashing water and roaming water wheel, he pushed the tip of the scalpel against pearl white skin. Anxiety grew, rapid heart beat deafened along with beastly water grumbling and moved along. Smell of metal dripped down, a warm splash of red and clear saltiness drip drops on the ground. It felt so wrong and yet faintly relieving. Voice got louder and more aggressive after each drop. He hated this so much. Gen's hatred on his weakness grew like a poison ivy and blurred his mind along with paranoia of being found like this. Unknowingly, the mentalist didn't notice Kohaku staring at him with a confused and concerned expression. She hid behind the bushes, staring at Gen after hearing subtle sounds of sobbing, however after finding him injuring himself...deliberately, Kohaku decided she needed to tell Senkuu tomorrow about it. She really hoped this might stop Gen from doing a strange thing he was doing to his body.

\------

''Get up, you useless sack of shit and do the performance!'' a loud bang ringed inside Gen's head. Pressuring pain spread all around his body as he tried to stand up.

''God, he is no good. This kid won't bring us anything fortunate''

''Sorry, kiddo. Called your parents but ain't answering. But, don't worry. I'm sure they'll be here soon.''

Liar.

''What a weirdo. He's a pretentious shit that is only good at stupid magic.''

It's not stupid.

So, he concealed the comment.

''Grandpa?'' Echo of broken child voice gnawed Gen's head, furrowing his eyebrows closer and letting a whimper. He didn't want to look what happened with grandpa.

So, he didn't.

He felt his body slowly falling like a heavy sparrow diving down from the roof. A gust of relief and happiness flowed inside his body and crashed down like a bunch of black nighshades.

Morning light twinkled and golden brushed Gen's hair who slowly opened his eyes. The air felt fresh, grassy and wet and Gen realised he felt asleep outside. That's bad. That's really bad. Panicked, Gen quickly stood up, washed up his face and brushed his teeth. With fixed hair and clothes, he confidently walked back to the hut and sneaked inside to the bed and covered himself to rest and not get up. Peace and quiet didn't last long as Chrome emerged in with his optimistically loud attitude disrupting Gen and barked at for disturbing him. Chrome sheepishly glanced at the mentalist ''Yo, Gen! Sorry for disturbing your nap time but Senkuu needs you. Apparently, something to do with sciency stuff again. We are about to construct the phone, yush!!'' and with excitement rushed down the ladder. Gen groaned as he got up and sluggishly dragged his feet down outside to yet experience another pile of fascinating confusion. Yet, this time he didn't feel excited or remotely amused by his own shock. It all felt like nothing, hollow and bland. God, why he was feeling like this.

''Gen!'' familiar voice tried to reach Gen's head. He didn't want to respond. He wanted to be left alone inside safe cuddle of fur blanket.

''Oi, mentalist. Are you listening or what?'' Sudden shake woke Gen up who quickly masked himself with a airhead happy facade expression.

''Haha sorry, Senku~chan'' sweet like honey voice almost trembled with pain as Gen glanced at beautiful genius' ruby eyes. ''I was listening but as always you know how I don't get all this sciency stuff'' he gestured around, relieved at more relaxed Senkuu's expression. Yet, there was still something lurking on his face...was it worry? Senkuu doesn't worry that much about people really. He doesn't have time to worry about anyone including mentalist screwed up mental wellbeing.

''Honestly, don't worry about me~ it would be too cringy anyway. So, where's that phone stuff we have to make anyway?''

''Pfft, yeah totally cringy coming from you, mentalist.'' Senkuu widely grinned whilst placing his pinky inside his left ear.

Few more hours passed whilst they were helping Senkuu collecting parts and stuff for the phone they were planning to make. It was getting more exciting especially coming from Chrome and old man Kaseki when the project was going very well. All thanks to Senkuu. Day approached sunset coming down to sleep and Gen was more than ready to jump back to his bed after endless hours of labour which was much lighter than couple days before. He insisted to help Senkuu even after the scientist refusing and telling him off to take a day off. He couldn't bring anymore attention especially on subtle wincing from feeling the wounds slightly opening. It was so stupid of him to do such thing and it might give him syphilis but, Gen didn't care anymore. He felt too empty for a few months now even after making a telescope for Senkuu which made him feel a little bit happier however, it didn't last long. The mentalist quietly dragged body upstairs in the hut and sat down, pressing his back against the wall. Eyes itched seemingly all day and couple times betrayed him. Gen quietly listened to bird chirping and a distant conversation nearby with echoing laughter and chatter saddening his heart. He began to eavesdrop on the conversation, skipping few topics until he heard Kohaku and Senkuu speaking alone. They were talking about some stuff, mostly Kohaku arguing about her strength and Senkuu laughing in the background. Gen deeply wished he could make Senkuu laugh like that and look at him like he looks at the stars. Softly. With love.

How can you love someone when you don't love yourself, Gen...

He hated this.

So, he tried not to think about it.

\-----

''Senkuu, I wanted to talk about something.'' Kohaku's voice softly echoed in the night. Senkuu shuffled with a serious expression painted on his face. That something felt concerning from Kohaku's side and definitely important especially knowing how protective Kohaku can be over people close to her.

''What is it. Something serious happened based on your expression'' He said receiving a nod from the blonde. She hesitantly sighed and furrowed her eyebrows ''It's about Gen.'' Senkuu stopped brushing his hair, confused at girl's concerning tone upon the mentalist.

''What about him?''

Kohaku glanced around as if making sure no one else is hearing and with a trembling tone whispered to Senkuu ''He's not well.'' She fidgeted a branch, looking down to the ground. ''I saw him doing something with himself...''

''Like what?'' a firm tone made her heart beat faster as she spoke.

''Like hurting himself. Senkuu, I'm not sure what I saw exactly but it was hurting him. I'm worried he will be more unwell, and something might happen...'' She gulped, finally looking at unreadable Senkuu's expression. She felt anger, worry and fear emphasised in his ruby eyes, face even more pale in now cold campfire light. Kohaku continued, carefully watching scientist's body language ''So, what can we do to help him?''

Senkuu finally let out a frustrated sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose, concentrating. His heart suddenly felt hard, panic spreading in his lungs. God damn it. He should have seen it. What an ignorant twat he felt like. Scientist let the hand drop and with deep worry glanced back at Kohaku and stood up.

''I'll...I'll find a way. Don't worry. I'll make sure of it.''

''Senkuu, wait-!'' Kohaku loudly whispered trying to grasp Senkuu's wrist out of worry.

And before going, he stopped and turned his head, eyes glittering with fearful tears ''Thank you, Kohaku.''

It was one painful night for both.

\-----

Gen was always a light-sleeper and for a reason. With enemies stirring the war with Kingdom of Science and many months spent in paranoia, it taught Gen to be stealthy and always prepare himself. Though, during these few months he abandoned his preparations and almost let himself to get injured if Senkuu wasn't there to save him. The mentalist uncomfortably shuffled around in his bed. Stop thinking about him, man quietly grumbled narrowing almond shaped eyes towards the starry night sky. How many times did Senkuu save mentalist life alone was unimaginable, but he was grateful for still living despite being one of the weakest members of Kingdom of Science. These people didn't need such a weakling. Especially during the time in the Empire of Might, Gen would have probably committed suicide from so much stress and constant anxiety that battled with his determination to stay alive and free from the dangers of this new world. With Senkuu around, he felt warmth and safety. With Senkuu, he wanted to be the true Gen, the true persona of himself because Senkuu alone was the only person to accept him for being a sly bastard. He didn't deserve the kindness from Senkuu. He didn't deserve the cola and thank you's from him. The endless nighttime conversations about their old world and comforting chemical scent. His rough hands and caressing touches followed by unconscious hugs during the sleep.

The pain inside him grew stronger and wilder, and Gen browsed around his yukata for the scalpel. Feeling the familiar touch of metal, he gripped it tightly as his hands moistened from sweat and traitorous droplets of salty tears. He looked down on his skin, observing some of the wounds covered in pulsing scabs. Empty feeling inside his belly made him nauseous and dizzy since Gen hated the sigh of blood. But for now, he has to endure it. Like he endured these illogical feelings he has for the scientists. Endure and shove the pain from his past coming back like a bad, never ending nightmare.

The first sting earned a hiss coming from the throat. Second, third...It all started and couldn't stop burning. He wanted to stop. He needed help. And Gen knew this wasn't okay.

But he continued. In desperation. In fear. Paranoia. He so wanted to be free of these demons. He wanted to get help and he tried. But it always came back, stronger and more intimidating. No matter if it's modern or stone world, Gen never felt okay. And he really wanted to be genuinely happy for once. He knew loving someone won't help him. It won't cure it. But if he tried with some support...maybe it could all end. He really wanted it. So badly.

_Gen!_

Mentalist's mind felt fuzzy. He chuckled at the sigh of blood pooling and dripping rapidly from his hands. Eyes narrowed and felt sick at the sight and smell of iron. Someone was shouting his name. He couldn't see who.

His body felt heavy as if he was flying down to the ground. It sunk and dragged him, the wave of furious river water turmoiled inside his lung. Can't breathe. Help. Sensation of drowning and lack of air shivered down as he tried to swim up in glistening darkness. But there was no end to it. Nothing. Just a blurry suffocating blanket of fear.

_''Fuck, mentalist. Can you hear me?!''_

Mentalist whimpered, trying to cover his face a he felt a violent grasp and shaking of his shoulders. Followed by an abrupt pull of his purple yukata and soft gasps. Then a deafening silence.

A worried pant and anger filled tone reached his ears ''Gen, you absolute idiot.'' followed by soft sobbing and sniffling. Gen was confused as to why the voice was crying. Then suddenly, his body was engulfed in a tight hug, gently untouching his wounds to not cause any more pain.

His vision cleared, realising in shock after recognising white and green anti-gravity hair above him. He felt the scientist's body shake and clumsily tighten the hug like he never hugged someone before like this. Gen's heart calmed down, soothing pain down and he closed his eyes whilst snuggling his head onto Senkuu's neck.

''Senkuu~chan?'' Gen spoke in a raspy voice clogged from tears and build up of mucus. No answer. The silence worried injured mentalist and made him slowly lift his head with few wet strands of white hair clinging on his reddened cheek. He felt ashamed, annoyed and sad of Senkuu finding him like this. Weak and pathetic. Crying over such stupid thing like pain. Senkuu didn't let go of him no matter Gen squirming out and muttering to let him go. He couldn't tolerate such comfort and felt deserving death rather than a hug from someone he loved.

"Do you...do you want to talk about it?" Senkuu asked, his voice heavy with worry and tears. Gen huffed and melancholically smiled through pain." Scientist like you probably can see well what's going on~" and hissed as Senkuu elbowed him. The scientist let him go, still tightly grabbing both Gen's arms and stared deeply to his deep dark brown eyes. Mentalist felt exposed as Senkuu analysed his face scarred with lack of sleep, puffy from tears and pale complexion that made Gen look extremely sick. Gen tried to place his cheery facade mask back on.

" hey, hey I'm fine. Just a little cry. No need to get cringy, Senkuu~chan" he failed to joke around when seeing Senkuu glaring at him with genuine fear of losing the mentalist. When he spoke, his voice trembled and cracked each time. " I thought I lost you. I was so afraid I'll find you ..." He vigorously shook the imagery off. "Kohaku told me about the last night near the river. She may not know well about mental health, but god damn if she wouldn't told me any sooner, I'd think we would have lost you". Tears sparkled and Gen suddenly felt really shit about the situation. The worst has happened. He made Senkuu and others worry. Like all the time. The mentalist grimaced from internal pain and turned his head away, looking down at the ground.

Senkuu understanding his feelings, gently touched Gen's cheek earning a startled move from him but not daring to look up. Senkuu wasn't very good with feelings, heck more with a suicidal person but he wanted to support Gen especially save him from this tortious behaviour.

"How long it's been like this"

Gen hesitantly glanced and decided to speak truthfully. After all, he seriously needed help and he had to forcefully put his pride away.

"Couple of months. Maybe before in modern world. I don't know. I thought...I could be a bit happier after staying here. Meeting you" his face warmed up reminiscing on fond memories. " I tried to be stronger especially since I'm a weakling, but haha as you can see, I failed, didn't I?" Mentalist looked up, tightly grasping his yukata. Anxiety clawed insides again, making it hard to concentrate on the situation. He let out a surprised gasp as Senkuu cupped his cheeks and blushing, he placed his forehead against Gen's and stared deeply to his eyes.

"Asagiri Gen, you're not weak. You're a dumbass for thinking so and letting your pride mask your pain. You're intelligent, a devilish manipulator and a sly bastard. But also, kind, caring and genuinely want to help. Especially interested into science and no other person I could relate to most would have been so invested into this stuff. So, listen up, mentalist. I can try help you with your well-being...just please tell me if you're not feeling okay." Senkuu's tace softened whilst brushing his fingers around warm Gen's cheek that blushed along with widened almond eyes. Gen couldn't believe any word scientist said. But he must. He loves and trusts Senkuu and he wants to be able to entrust his feeling to him. But he still can't get rid of the pain.

"Senkuu, I will still probably be hurting. Look at me, I'm a mess. You won't love someone who can't love themselves." Scientist hushed him and grinned at confused mentalist.

"Kukuku, well surprise to you, mentalist. You're stuck with me now and forever. I'll support your ass and make sure you're better be happy" he said and kissed Gen's forehead with a sheepish grin as Gen squealed from sudden affection. Then, he took yukata off sitting man and proceeded to look after the wounds. Gen hissed and winced when Senkuu treated his wounds with anticeptic, muttering how lucky they had the medicine and glad Gen didn't get syphilis or anything worse. After creaming the cuts, he wrapped the arms with bandage and to soothe the pain, he placed a kiss on each cut. Gen fascinated stared at the scientist, his heart beating fast but calming down. Stomach fluttered with butterflies and finally anxiety calmed for a bit. Sheet of safety and trust was there again with Senkuu and it was the best feeling Gen felt for a while. Whilst still feeling empty, but relieved, mentalist hugged Senkuu back as a silent thank you. Man's face was painted with surprise but then changed to soft caring expression as he rubbed Gen's back.

It was a painful night for both. But it all ended well.

The next day, Senkuu proceeded to treat Gen in more therapeutic way. Because he needed to convince Gen to help himself, he encouraged learning on science and opening about hai feelings. First, it was hard and tested Senkuu's patience a lot especially due to Gen still withholding his pride not to express his feelings well. But over time it gone better. And during such sessions, Gen felt more like himself and both men incidentally felt feeling illogically. But it never disrupted anything. Both men enjoyed their company and always stayed together. Senkuu felt strange at how much he enjoyed mentalist's company. Moreover, they both started being more "cringy" with each other to which Senkuu's surprise he enjoyed very much.

Senkuu woke up one night feeling pair of hands spooning around his waist. His eyes focus on relaxed mentalist, his eyes closed and mouth slightly open. Senkuu smiles and brings Gen closer, earning a soft meowl from him. Mentalist now was sleeping better and longer with less nightmares to wake him up. Senkuu wanted to protect Gen at all costs and didn't want him to hurt anymore. He watched as the moonlight scattered around the couple, blissfully cherishing every millisecond of his moment with Gen.

Both idiots ten billion percent fell in love.


End file.
